MidTerm Blahs

Yes, it has hit me full force--the BLAHS.  Every quarter, right about midterm time, I feel absolutely drained--completely empty.  I have to force myself to get up in the morning to go to work, even though I really do enjoy what I do! I look at everything I have left to do, and I just deflate.  Time for attitude adjustment, girl.  Time to wake up and get going.  Mama would tell me "Get you a Snickers and a Co-Cola." I know what you mean, Mama.  I wish you could just infuse me with your energy from where you are.  I'll hypnotize myself and you just sneak on into my mind and give me one of your Burnside pep talks, okay? I probably just need to pick my chin up off the ground and get to it, huh? We've been so busy lately we haven't really had to to feel our feet walking on the ground.  I am looking so forward to Thanksgiving when I'll have at least one day to just enjoy being with family--no thinking about work for 24 hours! So, it's all good.  Really and truly.  There's a fire in the woodstove, it's not raining (woo-hoo) and this coming week will fly by, I'm sure.  I think I will pray that I am awake and aware for every minute so that I don't miss anything.  Blahs happen because we close our eyes to what really matters--those moments of real connection with other people, right? 

School Starts

Yes, it's that time of year again--time for school books and teacher's dirty looks; homework and more work; darker nights and shorter days.  But also time for hot chocolate and a nice warm fire; for football and chili and popcorn; for raking leaves into big piles in the yard; for Halloween and Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.  Although I prefer summer to any other time of year, fall has its perks.  Winter, not so much, unless you count that fact that February is short and March usually brings a few more blue skies.  January pretty much sucks as a month.  Coming indoors for 6 months--sleeping more, eating more--what are we in the Pacific Northwest but a bunch of big ole bears?

What is happening?

I don't think I ever really got over the fact that magic wasn't real, that wishes on a star don't come true and that fairy godmothers didn't really exist.  I am in my middle years--the lovely 50s--and I'm beginning to think that it's pretty much a done deal.  I wonder what I'll be doing in a year--will I still feel empty and useless? Will I still feel like I have no life, no way to contribute? I am just a little frustrated that life is not perfect.  I know how this sounds--I am bitter in my mid-life; I haven't achieved the level of success I would have liked; or I don't have as much money as I would have wanted.  But none of that is true.  I am married to an incredible guy; we have a beautiful home; I have a job that I love.  I just feel empty.  And I don't know why.  I really want to be happy.  Truly.  Just feeling like happiness is more elusive than I was led to believe.  What is life about? What is it supposed to look like to be happy? What do other people do when they feel down? Eat? Drink? Smoke illegal substances? Spend money they don't have? I don't want to do any of that.  I just want to talk to my mom.

I met the Cowsills!

Yes, after forty-one years, I finally met the Cowsills--Susan, Paul, and Bob.  It was a dream come true for me.  I was that nerdy little 11-year-old girl who screamed out "Barry!" and "Paul!" and "John!" at the concert in Hattiesburg, MS in 1968.  Oh yes, that was me.  The Cowsills could have been our next door neighbors.  They were like kids that lived around the block.  And they were famous! Like Susan, I had big brothers who I loved, but who were also big pains in my neck! I felt like she and I would have been friends.  Anyway, suffice it to say that I knew every song and every word to every song they ever sang, not just "HAIR"--which was the last song they sang in Ferndale, WA on Sept. 18, 2010.  Yes, it was historic.  It was a blast.  I didn't stop smiling for at least two hours after the show was over.  They stayed after for a "meet and greet"--how cool is that? Susan gave me a hug and signed my Lighthouse CD; Bob posed for a picture with me.  (See pics here!)  It was a grand evening.  We sat on the third row in the middle in a small room that seated about 300 people.  Perfect for the kind of show we were treated to.  They had fun--we had fun. And I want to see them perform again--maybe in 41 more years? You just never know.  Life has a funny way of handing out these gifts from time to time!

Daddy

When I was a little girl, probably about 3, I called my father "honey."  I had heard my mother call him that, and I supposed that was his name.  That has been a source of amusement in our family ever since.  I was definitely a daddy's girl.  He called me "sweetums," even in front of my friends when I was in high school.  How embarrassing, right? When I was a child, he would take me out in the backyard with a pair of binoculars to do some star gazing.  He explained the constellations, we talked about God and life on other planets.  We looked for Venus and Mars on clear nights as well.  Tradition had it that Dad and I shopped for the Christmas tree.  He would drive to the Christmas Tree lot in downtown Laurel where, hand in hand, we inspected each tree until we found just the right one.  Even though it was the south, we drank hot chocolate because it was December.  He told me that when I started dating that he would sit in the back seat with a shotgun to make sure that no funny business occurred.  I believed him.  He played the guitar, and his favorite song was "Red River Valley." It became our favorite, too.  He could make the scariest faces, pulling his face into all kinds of contortions.  And then he would put a flashlight under his chin, making his face even scarier. When I was in graduate school, he drove me, one of my friends, and my mom to the University of Texas so that we could do research in the humanities library--it was the biggest one of its kind and had original papers by E. M. Forster.  When my dad found out that I needed the materials in that library, he insisted.  When I was finishing my dissertation one Christmas, I needed to go back to school early, and again, he drove me all the way to Knoxville and back home without a break because he had to go to work the next day.  He was my hero.   By 1991, I had gotten married and moved across the country to Washington state.  I was really, really homesick, for the South, but most particularly for family and for the nearness of my dad.  Tragedy seemed to come all at once to our family. My brother, Randy, died in 2000 of a brain hemmorage.  My mother died in 2002 of a brain tumor.  And Dad was there through it all, steady and strong.  He grieved deeply for my brother, but was bereft when my mother died. However, in these later years, he had developed dementia and in some ways, he changed. After awhile I think he just could not think clearly any longer, and it made him angry with himself. He had always been a strong, independent man and had worked hard his entire life; he loved his family deeply and it was hard for him when we all went away.   He lived alone until Hurricane Katrina came along and virtually wiped out our town--without power and all alone, his confusion just added to the threat to his safety.  Greg, the younger of my three brothers, and his wife drove down from Atlanta and took him back with them.  He would never return to Laurel.  Greg had him checked out in the hospital and the doctors determined it was no longer safe for him to live alone.  At that time, he was admitted into a care unit for patients with alzheimer's or dementia, and my brother saw him almost every day for five years.  He died on August 30, 2010, at around 9:00 in the evening.  I got there just in time, about 4:00 that afternoon.  I will miss him every day of my life, as I had been missing him for a long time.  Although our separation is much more final and permanent now, I have deep faith that we will see each other again.  When I die, I will see him standing there with his arms wide open--he'll smile and say "Welcome home, sweetums!"  I love you, Daddy.

Olympic Game Park

Just my favorite picture from our day at the Olympic Game Park.  I love animals--and these guys had such great personalities.  But the yak was my favorite!

I want my house back

No pain, no gain, right? Okay, okay.  But there are workmen all over my house putting in new windows.  I am in the basement, which, okay, happens to be very comfortable--I have a t.v., my guitar, plenty of books to read and even an elliptical stair machine for exercise if I get really ambitious.  But even the most comfortable "prison" is still a "prison," right? I am starting to get that "closed in" feeling.  And the dog is barking her head off every time one of the guys moves a muscle.  Which says it all.  I am watching my soaps.  And working on my fall schedule. and playing my guitar. and slowly but surely going ccccrraaaazzzzyyyy.  But on the bright side--when they're finished, we'll have brand new windows, great insulation--which will make for a nice cozy winter season, finally!! But hurry up already!

Lighthouses

On Tuesday, a friend and I drove up to Port Townsend, about an hour from my house, to see a lighthouse, or maybe two.  It was great fun.  We went to Fort Flagler first--the lighthouse does not really exist as such--there's a big block of cement with a light on it.  But as far as I know it's functional.  The lighthouse at Fort Worden, however, is still there--still lighting the way for ships.  At the very end of a point, it is protected by a short rock wall.  In good weather like we had, you can walk all the way down to the point and up over a small rise of rocks to walk to the lighthouse.  It's not open to visitors expect on certain days, but we got pretty close.  It was shining in the sun.  So pretty.  And so symbolic.  Lighthouses just have a mythical quality to them.  They stand for hope--that light shining in the dark that we all so desperately seek when we're alone.  At our darkest moments, we pray that the light will find us and guide us home.  It's not really God, but I guess it could be.  It's what God stands for, I think--Love, Light, and Faith.  One of my favorite musicians, Susan Cowsill, just released a CD entitled Lighthouse--the title song expresses these ideas beautifully--she has put into words and music what so many of us have felt in those dark times.  The lighthouse will always be a symbolic beacon of light in the world.

Our backyard wild kingdom

I love living in the country.  We wake up in the morning to see ducks in our pond, or racoons playing in the stream, looking for their breakfast.  We are so blessed.  A little bit of heaven on earth.  Makes the commute worth it all year to get this three month vacay.  It's so hot right now that the afternoons are not really pleasant enough to sit on the back deck, but that is temporary.  I hate to complain about the heat when I know that in a few weeks, I'll be complaining about the rain and cold.  So I'll accept it without too much complaint.  The animals don't mind--we've seen racoons today--three of them--a kingfisher--and a duck.  Cool.

Wonder of wonders

Just thinking today about the small things that make life interesting and worthwhile.  A heron fishes our pond and graces us all with his presence daily.  We missed him for awhile, but he's back.  And he is HUGE.  I wish I could walk up and stand next to him to see just how large he really is.  I am 5'6" and he very well may be at least 4' tall at full height.  I would love to know his wing span.  When he flies overhead he looks like a pterodactyl.  I wonder if herons are their modern counterparts.  Anyway, the sight of such a creature flying above our pond and into the trees is a gift! A treasure. . . .Let's see--does he really look like a pterodactyl?

Maybe a bit, but I think what the ptero has in fierceness, the heron makes up for in sheer beauty and grace.  If I could see an ptero in flight, I might change my mind, but we'll never know.  Maybe in heaven, I'll have the ability to see into our past far enough to find out! Something else to look forward to.

Note to Self

As the summer winds down, it's easy for me to begin to stress out about the beginning of the school year.  I must remember--must etch deeply in my mind--that there are still many good times to be had! The beginning of a new school year brings with it many opportunities for growth--read "problems" or "obstacles." And also many opportunities to laugh and enjoy life.  I want to cultivate a more positive outlook this year.  I think I will also get a lamp that simulates sun light to boost my Vitamin D levels.  A girl can't plan ahead too much when her peace of mind is at stake!

Cleaning Day

Ah, yes, getting ready to go back to work, cleaning out old papers, throwing out a bunch of stuff I've been hanging on to for YEARS.  It feels so good.  I feel like I've lost weight--psychically, that is.  I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I think I'm going to be really, really ready for fall when it gets here.  Usually, I feel like I putting on the skids by this time in the summer.  You know, the comic strip character, sliding on a rug into a wall, trying desperately to stop, only there's no traction--just keeps sliding and sliding.  The wall meets him and you hear the sound, well you see it "SPLAT" and his head is flattened against the wall.  This wall is brick, by the way.  And then there are little cartoon birds, little blue birds and stars flying around his head, his eyes rolling around and around in his little cartoon head.  So usually, about this time, I'm feeling like "Holy _h_t, it's coming, it's coming, and I can't stop it!" I told Mike that I must get a lamp that simulates sunshine.  I can't face going through another winter like I did last year.  But, back to where I started--throwing things out.  Cleaning up.  I will also be throwing away that SAD thing I go through.  I'll be throwing away those same old attitudes that make me dread leaving my days of sleeping late behind, to be replaced by early mornings on the bus, walking into Starbucks for my morning brew, saying hello to a whole new group of smiling, excited freshmen.  Ah, this feels great!

Time and Dreaming

Just went to see "Inception"--about a group of folks who go inside of a guy's head to plant an idea--it is very elaborate.  Someone has to be the architect of three levels of dreams, they have signals and "kicks" to get from one level to another and back again, etc.  Leo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordan Leavitt--great cast.  It was sort of like Ocean's Eleven meets James Bond meets Jumpers meets scifi.  The effects were great.  The story was interesting.  And the ending is ambiguous.  It made me think about time--about how sometimes time goes very quickly, and sometimes it goes very slowly.  When I am occupied, concentrating intensely on something or other, time speeds by.  Or when I'm really enjoying myself--playing the guitar, reading, etc. Time drags on days when nothing is happening.  What causes this illusion? And is it an illusion? Can we live in any time we wish? Can time stop? Is time a social construction of reality? And what happens when we dream? What happens to time, then? What happens to our minds during that time we sleep? Anyway, stuff to think about on a rainy Saturday, with nothin' much to do. 

Music

I never thought I would come back to music after getting my PhD in English all those years ago.  I guess I did not realize just how deeply engrained music is in my DNA, how much a part of my identity is tied up in music. I'm not happy just playing my guitar--I have to compose songs now.  It's like I can't help myself.  The songs I write are the songs of a novice, I know, but that's okay.  It's not about what other people might like at this stage--it's about what gives me pleasure.  It's really all about the act of creating the song, of playing around with words and melodies.  I am not, nor will I ever be, a professional musician, and that is okay with me.  My music can never be taken away from me.  It is inside of me--in my heart, in my dreams.  And as corny as that sounds, that's okay too.  The music I make is for me, my husband, and my dog.  I figure as long as the dog doesn't cover her ears, and if my husband doesn't gag when I play and sing, I'm doing alright.  Who knows--maybe one day, when I've practiced long enough, I'll play in public, more than once. . . .

Nice night!

I love the summers here in the PNW--they just blow us away.  No humidity to speak of--clear skies--warm temps, but not hot.  Perfection, sheer perfection.  The dog is happy--she stays outside until almost 9:00.  We're happy--it's nice enough to leave all the windows open--wonderful, wonderful fresh air.  I can hang the clothes out in the morning and they are dry by afternoon.  Ah, life is GOOD.  It doesn't take all that much to make me happy. Next to being outside, Lucy's other favorite place to hang out is nin front of the sliding glass window where she can see all of the birds.  Every now and then, a bird will perch on the railing of the deck--when that happens, she is ecstatic! She's a good dog.  Getting older, but then, aren't we all? This summer is proving to be a great time for all of us--we're not even feeling our age these days!

Time for Work

Yes, folks--fall is in the air.  It's only August 2nd, but already I feel the change.  Yesterday the sunlight filtering through the clouds made everything look kind of golden-orange.  I am beginning to feel motivated--ready to work, think, create, engage with students.  The course I am teaching this fall is especially challenging.  Most of my students are ESL.  They were also specifically chosen for this slowed-down version of 101 because of low scores on their SAT writing tests.  So going in, I know who my students are.  I have my work cut out for me.  In a way, I have an advantage over other CORE teachers in that I have a ton of time to devote to the basics.  I also plan to have a couple of opportunities for localized field trips--to the history museum, the art museum, etc.  This is a gateway course, so one of the things I'm going to try to do is introduce students to the arts opportunities within the UWT community.  This week, my plan is to begin creating assignments for both quarters.  I need to have the end goal--March--in view as I create each assignment.  What do I want them to end up with? How do I want them to get there? So I'll probably take a big piece of poster paper and sketch it all out.  The fall signals not an end, but a new beginning.  I need my most creative ideas to blossom this year!

New Things

Today we bought a new full-size futon for our office/guest room--we moved the queen sized bed upstairs--moved the king sized out--will have it taken away next Saturday when we get our new delivery.  We are also getting new windows for most of the house; and a new exercise machine.  Whew.  A lot of new things to get used to.  New things are great, but also, because they're new, take a bit of getting used to.  A period of adjustment is called for.  Our bedroom looks huge without the big king bed taking up all of the space.  That's cool.  We've been used to sleeping with a TON of space around us, though, so I can't help but wonder what it will be like tonight and every night after--what we lose in space, we gain in closeness, though. At least, that's the plan.  Even the exercise machine will take some getting used to--it's an elliptical walker--supposed to burn more calories than a treadmill.  I noticed this afternoon, after I got out of the shower, that I've put on quite a bit of fat on my lower back.  Not good.  At my age--53--I need to work a bit harder to keep my weight steady.  I know that in Turkey we ate a lot of high calorie food--and since I've been home, I haven't exercised much.  When I was in college, mom and I used to go into my bedroom to talk, etc., and we would inevitably get into the "I'm fatter than you are" game: looking in the mirror, we would pinch our fat places and make faces--and then we would laugh.  She was probably in her mid - late fifties when we would have these conversations--so I'm beginning to understand how she felt as she aged.  It is very frustrating to know that, while I could eat less, or at least cut out desserts altogether, and exercise more, I think I do okay.  And then the pounds creep up.  This is the kind of change I do not like.  The new thing I want now is a new body.  A younger version of me--maybe just 5 or 6 years younger, but with that metabolism.  Fooey! To even have to think about this is frustrating.  I bought a new bed today.  Why can't I just buy a new me?

Last Saturday in July, 2010

I can't believe how quickly this summer is flying by--I feel like it's just begun and now it's halfway over.  I wish I could back pedal a few weeks.  I really wanted to travel down to Mississippi this summer--see Kendall, see John's band, visit with Aunt Norma and Debbie.  Time just won't allow. . .we are getting new windows, a new bed, and a new workout machine.  All at once.  It seems to happen that way.  We need a new front door and new couches too, but that will have to wait awhile longer.  The pocketbook can take only so many new additions at a time.  I still have work to do before school begins again.  Want to write some more music, make some plans for writing assignments, of course; I'm so accustomed to being lazy that getting back to work will be TOUGH.  But I'm not going to complain too much.  I don't start back to work for about two months.  The sun isn't setting quite yet!

another lazy day in summerville

Yawn.  Oh, yes--this is the day when I wake up and realize that I have almost two more months of vacay time before school starts.  Should I be planning, researching, writing--being productive, to sum it up? Why yes, of course I should.  But then, that would defeat the whole point of vacay, right? Um--I don't do well with lots of unstructured time.  I need a goal, a plan. . .I know, I make a list.  Let's see.  At the top of the list is "house cleaning." Fun.  Next comes "laundry," then, um, . . ."sit outside on the deck and read the new book I loaded on my Nook yesterday." Oh, yeah, and "play the guitar until my fingers hurt." The good stuff is at the END of the list.  How did that happen? I think I was taught the idea of deferral of pleasure too well. Defer, defer, defer.  And then you die.  Yikes! At some point, one must put the fun stuff first, right? Which brings me full circle to consider the whole point of having a vacation.  VACATE the routine.  Instead of finding the most efficient path from A to B, I will MEANDER.  I like this plan.

The Day After

my birthday was even better--no pressure! Yay! I am getting fat from eating birthday cake.  I haven't exercised since last Wednesday.  I guess tomorrow I should get back on the treadmill, literally and figuratively.  Thank goodness today I chose my text for the two writng courses in the fall and winter quarters. Now I'd like to get back into my music a bit more--I really, really want to learn tablature. Once I've learned it, I will be able to play even more music.  Music saves me in so many ways--keeps me sane, balanced, and creative.  It takes me to a peaceful place in my head, away from all the confusion, chaos, weirdness of the world at large.  There is no place for that mess in music. . . .

Well, well--53 today.  Don't feel a bit older than 52.  Not yet anyway.  I guess it takes a few days to sink in.  Mike and I went to the zoo in Tacoma--I have always loved going to the zoo.  The weather is great, and the animals, as always, were spectacular. A polar bear swam right up to the glass--we were eye to eye! We also saw meer cats and sharks--not in the same place, of course.  Always interesting, the zoo. . .This bowling pic was taken in the spring when I was in Bend with UWT students working with Habitat for Humanity.  That was a great time.  I saw a few of them on Saturday night at "Paint the Park Purple" in Tacoma and was reminded of that trip.  Good times! Later on this evening, Mike and I will eat our dinner outside on the deck and drink margeritas. Here's to getting better and better as I age.  Here's to looking for the good in everyone.  Here's to looking forward to what's around the corner.  And to always keeping my fork, because dessert is coming up!

birthday eve

On the eve of my 53rd birthday: having a beer with my husband, watching the evening news on NBC (my favorite channel), grilling a steak--ah, life is good. The sun is shining--it has actually been hot today--in the 80s--which is hot for the PNW. So hot I was uncomfortable sitting on the deck reading. But I'm trying not to complain too much. After all, in a few months, it will be rainy and in the 50s--every day for at least three months. So I'll take the sun and the heat! Learned a new song today--"Heartache by the Number"--working on a few more--namely "Angel from Montgomery" and "The Way that It Goes". My fingers are so sore right now because I didn't play for a few weeks. That will never happen again!! I am having to tough it out all over again, at least for awhile. Can't wait till my fingers toughen up! Today was pretty lazy, but then, it's summer--I'm so glad I'm a teacher and have the summers off to actually be lazy for awhile. . .

settling down

Home for the summer. . .wanting to settle into a routine now before fall quarter starts and I have to settle into a new routine. Such is the life of the teacher--but I love it! Tonight is Paint the Park Purple at the Rainiers--looking forward to that. It's always a blast to see folks from school, eat some great burgers, drink a brewsky, watch some baseball. And the weather is spectacular! Oh yeah, gotta love summer in the great PNW. My birthday is Monday--I'll be 53. I think sometimes my real age is 10. or sometimes it's 5. But that's okay I guess. I want to always stay "young at heart"--ready to live life to its fullest. That means staying healthy, keeping a grateful attitude. When I was in Atlanta last week, Dad exhorted Greg, Raney, Keith and I to "go fort it"--he actually pumped his arm back and forth. I was amazed at him. And very moved by what he said. He is a remarkable man. I hope to live up to his expectations of me. But also to be a success for myself. I am so competitive--sometimes not in a good way, but measuring myself by those I admire keeps me motivated, I think, to be the best I can be at whatever I do. And most of the time, it's not a matter of competing, but of being inspired to reach for the highest. Susan Cowsill is a great inspiration to me, for example, in music. Well, in life as well, actually. I am inspired by my husband to achieve in my career--my friend, Beth, inspires me as well. I look for inspiration in nature as well--in books, in art, in relationships. It is so vital to living a good life to have HOPE--to always LOOK UP. When we were in Turkey, we went on a balloon ride over Cappadocia--an amazing experience--that buoyant feeling is what I mean by being UP. Seeing the big picture--looking out to the horizon with expectation of the good things to come, the good times to be had. . . .

home from Turkey

We got home Friday afternoon after a very long two days, travelling from Istanbul to Paris and then home. I feel better today, but still a little bit jet lagged. Or maybe I'm just getting old, and this long distance travel thing is harder on me than it used to be. Hard to know. At any rate, a fabulous trip. We saw so much, met so many people, walked and walked and walked and walked. . . .I am now friends with five Anatolians on facebook. ; ) This picture is of our hotel in Istanbul when we stayed on the waterfront.

vacay time

Leaving tomorrow for parts unknown. Literally. But that's okay--it's good to face the unknown, learn new things, meet new people. It's a bit scary, but in a good way. Duh--it's called anticipation. I have packed and re-packed at least three times. No more! Now I can concentrate on just what comes next. I don't have to think a month in advance. Or a quarter in advance. I can just relax and do the next thing. Get on the plane. Relax. Get off the plane. Get back on the plane. Relax. Land in Istanbul. Go to the hotel. Relax. Go to Hagia Sophia. Yippee! Turkey, here we come. ; )

first day of summer?

Greetings from the lovely Pacific Northwest, where the calendar declares that it's officially summer but the thermometer claims it is still early spring. The sun hides behind the clouds and the temperature is in the 50s. Well, maybe 60s. The good news is that there is little humidity in the air. Unlike the deep South, where the heat index is well over 100 already, I'm sure. Everything's a trade-off, right? I really miss that heat sometimes, though. You walk outside and the air is so thick it's like you're breathing water. But that's why God invented AC! I'm about to go to a part of the world where it is considerably warmer, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. By the time we get back, summer will be in full swing here. Plenty of sunshine left to bask in. . . .

travel jitters part two

and the adventure continues. found out today that our friend from England won't be flying over to house-sit while we're gone because his mom, who is 99 years old, may be on her way out. We totally understand that he doesn't want to be away right now--I've been where he is. I knew when I went to Finland in 2002 that my mom might not be there when I got back home to Mississippi, but I was also supported by a ton of family. In our friend's case, it's him and his brother--and he is closest to his mom. I really feel for him. Not a good place to be, losing a parent. It's best if he's there when she leaves. . . .Meanwhile, the packing continues for me. I keep changing my mind about what to take. I think I've pretty much decided on a wardrobe that will fit for every occasion, but there's no way to completely plan for the unexpected. I just expect that we are going to a country that has clothing stores, for goodness sakes, so if I need something, I'm sure I'll be able to find it! Mike packs so little that anything I take looks like I'm overdoing it. Oh well, I do pretty well for a girl! Ha, ha, ha! In a few hours now, we'll be on the plane and there will be no more time for changing my mind, no more time to mis-decide. I look forward to getting into my plane seat and relaxing! Got a book, a journal, a crossword puzzle book, and my iPod. I'm ready!!!

Sunday

Keeping the Sabbath: a lost art. I was brought up to go to church every Sunday. And to put my tithe into the offering plate. When I was a kid, it was 10 cents in the little offering envelope. I never questioned any of that. It was just what we did. The Sabbath has a rich history--I have much to learn about traditions and rituals associated with this day. But one thing has remained consistent for me through the years--that it is a day of rest, reflection and re-grouping for the week to come. In the Deep South, the stores were closed on Sunday. The only store I remember going to on Sunday was the donut shop. Later on, the stores were closed in the morning and opened up after lunch. And of course now, stores open at their regular time. Chik-Fil-A is one exception to this modern approach to the Sabbath--their owner is a Christian and chooses to run his business according to Biblical principles. The money he could make by staying open on Sundays--just think of all the fried chicken dinners he could sell!--runs second to his religious traditions. At any rate, taking time to relax at least one day a week has its roots in a tradition that is thousands of years old. Perhaps we could all do better than just putting our feet up on the couch and turning on the tv--maybe a little tradition should make its way back into everyday life. Maybe the Sabbath should be "kept holy."

Buck Haggard

Went to Forza to hear Buck Haggard tonight--a band formed by some friends of mine. They play--obviously--country music, much of it by Buck Owens and Merle Haggard--maybe all of it. Only three of them--lead, bass and drums. Great music! Great friends. What else in life do we need? A little food, clothes to wear, some money to spend on the essentials and a few pleasures. Love, music, food, . . .Ah, life is good. I want to know more of this simple life--I want to live my life with as little stress as possible. Playing music--my own and other people's--is the most relaxing way I know to live--I want to make music the rest of my life. To write music, to play music--for my own edification, if not for other people. YES!

today's subject: travel jitters

I love to travel. I love to see the sights, meet new and interesting people, sample other cultures, etc. What I don't like is the waiting, waiting, waiting the few days before flying. I get what I like to call "travel jitters"--my heart beats a little faster, which makes a little bit dizzy; I have a bit of an upset stomach; I can't sleep; I feel irritable. I wonder if other people experience this phenomenon as well? I almost wish there were such a thing as suspended animation for trips like this one to Turkey. Then I could just go to sleep and wake up in my hotel room in Turkey, no problem. Oh, here I am. I'm in Istanbul. Cool. Let's go see some mosques! But no, I must deal with this unpleasant malady and live like the rest of humanity--on the edge of my seat, breathless with anticipation, sleep-deprived, anxious, but--also hyper with happiness at the prospects of what await us in Istanbul and the rest of our vacation. I'm already packed and we aren't even leaving for four more days. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait! The only thing left to do is get on the plane. Oh, but first, I have to make sure all of my little "toiletries" are ready to go in my little travel pouch: make-up, facial cleanser, meds, ear plugs, etc. . . .Oh, the joys of travelling. Sunglasses, sun screen--it's going to be hot in Turkey. ; )

Question: why do I let mean, small, manipulative, insecure women get me down? I looked so forward to growing up--getting out of high school, going to college, expanding my horizons, having a career, but mostly, just growing up and all that means: leaving behind the pettiness, the strategically placed comments meant to hurt and undermine the person on the receiving end. Alas, this behavior, perpetrated in my high school by mean, small, manipulative insecure girls, does not seem to have happened only in high school. Such girls grow up to be such women. And too bad for the rest of us who have to deal with their bad behavior. Too bad someone in high school didn't set them straight. Too bad. I need a strategy that will sustain me through having to deal with such women throughout my life--I realize that now. I must find a way to guard my heart and secure my own soul against the attacks launched by such women. And I should pray for all of my friends for this same protection. The worst offenders are those who mask themselves as friends and then--voila--they become another creature right before our eyes. In the twinkling of an eye, they transform themselves into the all-too-familiar Bitch we've all be warned of by our mothers and our friends. By the time they have snuggled up to you as a so-called friend, you have, unfortunately, opened up your heart in acceptance and trust, only to have that trust trampled on. I don't want to stop trusting; I just want to prevent further hurt--as my husband says, "Buck up!" The Bitch is just an insecure woman who wants to feel big and important by putting someone else down. And often is jealous of other womens' accomplishments. So, instead of anger, it is pity I should feel. And I should feel lucky to have escaped this same fate myself. Whew!

Couch Time

Oh my--it's finally summer vacay--time to stretch out, relax, take stock, and regroup. My favorite time of year without a doubt. But then, as soon as the leaves start to turn in late August, I'm looking forward to another school year. I wonder if every teacher is like this--we are geared into that school calendar. It probably shows up in our DNA or something. My blood has chalk in it--or is it white board marker ink? At any rate, yay for summer! Mike and I are getting ready to head to Turkey for a few weeks. Another adventure--last time it was Australia--koalas, gators, and huge bats, believe it or not. I'm not sure what to expect on this trip--we'll be spending some time in Cappadochia--I'm really looking forward to seeing the caves and the quirky landscape there. And we'll also go to Ephesus and walk in the footsteps of the Apostle Paul. The ruins of that city are supposed to just be incredible. And then, there's the Aegean Sea! and in Istanbul the Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque, Top Kapi, etc.... It should be pretty darn cool. I wanted to learn a little Turkish before I went, but that plan didn't exactly come together. I'm not very disciplined, I'm afraid. Maybe there's still time to learn Please and Thank You! Later. . . .