Note to Self

As the summer winds down, it's easy for me to begin to stress out about the beginning of the school year.  I must remember--must etch deeply in my mind--that there are still many good times to be had! The beginning of a new school year brings with it many opportunities for growth--read "problems" or "obstacles." And also many opportunities to laugh and enjoy life.  I want to cultivate a more positive outlook this year.  I think I will also get a lamp that simulates sun light to boost my Vitamin D levels.  A girl can't plan ahead too much when her peace of mind is at stake!

Cleaning Day

Ah, yes, getting ready to go back to work, cleaning out old papers, throwing out a bunch of stuff I've been hanging on to for YEARS.  It feels so good.  I feel like I've lost weight--psychically, that is.  I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I think I'm going to be really, really ready for fall when it gets here.  Usually, I feel like I putting on the skids by this time in the summer.  You know, the comic strip character, sliding on a rug into a wall, trying desperately to stop, only there's no traction--just keeps sliding and sliding.  The wall meets him and you hear the sound, well you see it "SPLAT" and his head is flattened against the wall.  This wall is brick, by the way.  And then there are little cartoon birds, little blue birds and stars flying around his head, his eyes rolling around and around in his little cartoon head.  So usually, about this time, I'm feeling like "Holy _h_t, it's coming, it's coming, and I can't stop it!" I told Mike that I must get a lamp that simulates sunshine.  I can't face going through another winter like I did last year.  But, back to where I started--throwing things out.  Cleaning up.  I will also be throwing away that SAD thing I go through.  I'll be throwing away those same old attitudes that make me dread leaving my days of sleeping late behind, to be replaced by early mornings on the bus, walking into Starbucks for my morning brew, saying hello to a whole new group of smiling, excited freshmen.  Ah, this feels great!

Time and Dreaming

Just went to see "Inception"--about a group of folks who go inside of a guy's head to plant an idea--it is very elaborate.  Someone has to be the architect of three levels of dreams, they have signals and "kicks" to get from one level to another and back again, etc.  Leo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordan Leavitt--great cast.  It was sort of like Ocean's Eleven meets James Bond meets Jumpers meets scifi.  The effects were great.  The story was interesting.  And the ending is ambiguous.  It made me think about time--about how sometimes time goes very quickly, and sometimes it goes very slowly.  When I am occupied, concentrating intensely on something or other, time speeds by.  Or when I'm really enjoying myself--playing the guitar, reading, etc. Time drags on days when nothing is happening.  What causes this illusion? And is it an illusion? Can we live in any time we wish? Can time stop? Is time a social construction of reality? And what happens when we dream? What happens to time, then? What happens to our minds during that time we sleep? Anyway, stuff to think about on a rainy Saturday, with nothin' much to do. 

Music

I never thought I would come back to music after getting my PhD in English all those years ago.  I guess I did not realize just how deeply engrained music is in my DNA, how much a part of my identity is tied up in music. I'm not happy just playing my guitar--I have to compose songs now.  It's like I can't help myself.  The songs I write are the songs of a novice, I know, but that's okay.  It's not about what other people might like at this stage--it's about what gives me pleasure.  It's really all about the act of creating the song, of playing around with words and melodies.  I am not, nor will I ever be, a professional musician, and that is okay with me.  My music can never be taken away from me.  It is inside of me--in my heart, in my dreams.  And as corny as that sounds, that's okay too.  The music I make is for me, my husband, and my dog.  I figure as long as the dog doesn't cover her ears, and if my husband doesn't gag when I play and sing, I'm doing alright.  Who knows--maybe one day, when I've practiced long enough, I'll play in public, more than once. . . .

Nice night!

I love the summers here in the PNW--they just blow us away.  No humidity to speak of--clear skies--warm temps, but not hot.  Perfection, sheer perfection.  The dog is happy--she stays outside until almost 9:00.  We're happy--it's nice enough to leave all the windows open--wonderful, wonderful fresh air.  I can hang the clothes out in the morning and they are dry by afternoon.  Ah, life is GOOD.  It doesn't take all that much to make me happy. Next to being outside, Lucy's other favorite place to hang out is nin front of the sliding glass window where she can see all of the birds.  Every now and then, a bird will perch on the railing of the deck--when that happens, she is ecstatic! She's a good dog.  Getting older, but then, aren't we all? This summer is proving to be a great time for all of us--we're not even feeling our age these days!

Time for Work

Yes, folks--fall is in the air.  It's only August 2nd, but already I feel the change.  Yesterday the sunlight filtering through the clouds made everything look kind of golden-orange.  I am beginning to feel motivated--ready to work, think, create, engage with students.  The course I am teaching this fall is especially challenging.  Most of my students are ESL.  They were also specifically chosen for this slowed-down version of 101 because of low scores on their SAT writing tests.  So going in, I know who my students are.  I have my work cut out for me.  In a way, I have an advantage over other CORE teachers in that I have a ton of time to devote to the basics.  I also plan to have a couple of opportunities for localized field trips--to the history museum, the art museum, etc.  This is a gateway course, so one of the things I'm going to try to do is introduce students to the arts opportunities within the UWT community.  This week, my plan is to begin creating assignments for both quarters.  I need to have the end goal--March--in view as I create each assignment.  What do I want them to end up with? How do I want them to get there? So I'll probably take a big piece of poster paper and sketch it all out.  The fall signals not an end, but a new beginning.  I need my most creative ideas to blossom this year!

New Things

Today we bought a new full-size futon for our office/guest room--we moved the queen sized bed upstairs--moved the king sized out--will have it taken away next Saturday when we get our new delivery.  We are also getting new windows for most of the house; and a new exercise machine.  Whew.  A lot of new things to get used to.  New things are great, but also, because they're new, take a bit of getting used to.  A period of adjustment is called for.  Our bedroom looks huge without the big king bed taking up all of the space.  That's cool.  We've been used to sleeping with a TON of space around us, though, so I can't help but wonder what it will be like tonight and every night after--what we lose in space, we gain in closeness, though. At least, that's the plan.  Even the exercise machine will take some getting used to--it's an elliptical walker--supposed to burn more calories than a treadmill.  I noticed this afternoon, after I got out of the shower, that I've put on quite a bit of fat on my lower back.  Not good.  At my age--53--I need to work a bit harder to keep my weight steady.  I know that in Turkey we ate a lot of high calorie food--and since I've been home, I haven't exercised much.  When I was in college, mom and I used to go into my bedroom to talk, etc., and we would inevitably get into the "I'm fatter than you are" game: looking in the mirror, we would pinch our fat places and make faces--and then we would laugh.  She was probably in her mid - late fifties when we would have these conversations--so I'm beginning to understand how she felt as she aged.  It is very frustrating to know that, while I could eat less, or at least cut out desserts altogether, and exercise more, I think I do okay.  And then the pounds creep up.  This is the kind of change I do not like.  The new thing I want now is a new body.  A younger version of me--maybe just 5 or 6 years younger, but with that metabolism.  Fooey! To even have to think about this is frustrating.  I bought a new bed today.  Why can't I just buy a new me?