I don't think I ever really got over the fact that magic wasn't real, that wishes on a star don't come true and that fairy godmothers didn't really exist. I am in my middle years--the lovely 50s--and I'm beginning to think that it's pretty much a done deal. I wonder what I'll be doing in a year--will I still feel empty and useless? Will I still feel like I have no life, no way to contribute? I am just a little frustrated that life is not perfect. I know how this sounds--I am bitter in my mid-life; I haven't achieved the level of success I would have liked; or I don't have as much money as I would have wanted. But none of that is true. I am married to an incredible guy; we have a beautiful home; I have a job that I love. I just feel empty. And I don't know why. I really want to be happy. Truly. Just feeling like happiness is more elusive than I was led to believe. What is life about? What is it supposed to look like to be happy? What do other people do when they feel down? Eat? Drink? Smoke illegal substances? Spend money they don't have? I don't want to do any of that. I just want to talk to my mom.
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